Sept. 20, 2002

The latest hand of high-stakes Baghdad Bluff Poker is really getting interesting. Here's an update:

• President George W. Bush - Just as the Texas Crusader was about to invade Iraq, ostensibly for refusing to admit weapons inspectors, the slippery Iraqis agreed to inspection. How dare Saddam cooperate. Fight fair, you Iraqi swine! So now Bush says he will block UN inspectors from going to Iraq.

  How confusing. If the USA is now blocking UN arms inspectors, can Iraq go to the UN and get approval to invade the US and do a regime change in Washington DC, maybe putting the Rev. Jesse Jackson in the White House?

  Bush just blasted Saddam for `undermining and weakening the UN.' In his very next sentence, Bush vowed to ignore the UN Security Council and invade I-Raq, as he calls it, if the UN didn't give him a green light to attack. Bush is determined to destroy a nation whose name he can't even pronounce correctly.

  No problemo, however, with the supine US Congress. Special interests that have bought Congress demand war on Iraq. More important, Bush and Congress (Democrats and Republicans alike) fear the minute Iraq war fever subsides, they will be crucified over the gargantuan scandals engulfing Wall Street and Corporate America. The Clinton and Bush Administrations and Congress all took huge donations from the super crooks at Enron, Worldcom, Global Crossing and their Wall Street co-conspirators, and were thus party to the most massive swindle in American history.

  November elections are only six weeks away. Bush and Congress must keep voters terrified by the bogeyman of Baghdad or the folks in Peoria will exact revenge on the politicians who enabled the mother of all frauds.

• Iraq - Saddam says…Bush is taking orders from Israel and wants to rob us of our oil. Meanwhile, trusted aides are burying a few old cans of chemicals and toxin deeper in the desert. Showing untypical diplomatic agility, Saddam has temporarily split the great powers and is busy offering oil deals to Russia, China, and France. However, on a down note, Iraqi Life Ltd just cancelled his insurance policy.

• Britain- This week, Foreign Secretary Jack Straw accused the Iraqis of being `duplicitous.' That's a five dollar word that means two-faced. Talk about the kettle calling the pot black. The British invented duplicity. In fact, double-dealing British imperialists created many of the world's chronic problems. Thank the Brits for Palestine and Israel; Belfast; India, Pakistan, and Kashmir; Iraq; and the mess in Africa. London is determined to grab a share of Iraq's oil once Saddam is overthrown. That's why Tony Blair, known far and wide as `Bush's poodle,' is barking so loudly.

• Russia - Well, says clever President Putin to unclever George Bush , maybe we'll give you a green light to invade Iraq, but the price will be allowing us to invade Georgia and smash the Chechen independence-fighters, plus about $12 billion in cash, and a chunk of Iraq's oil for our Russian oil companies. By the way, hearty thanks from my old pals at KGB for branding the Chechens `terrorists.'

• France - The French are too clever to stand in the path of the charging American bull, so they are temporizing and hedging, trying to slow down the rush to war while making sure that if the US invades Iraq, French oil firms and arms producers will get a share of the plunder of Iraq.

• Germany - In a stunning act of independence, Germany's chancellor Gerhard Schroder, locked in a tight re-election campaign, has strongly opposed any US invasion of Iraq, a position supported by a majority of Germans. Never before has subservient post-war Germany stood up to Washington. Europeans are delighted; Washington is furious. Expect more Hollywood films about World War II.

• Israel - Being very low key. But has put its mighty US lobby into high gear to press for a US war against Iraq…then against Iran, then Syria, then Lebanon, then Libya. Once the Arab states are shattered, Israel will dominate the Mideast. `The Israel-Iraq Oil Company'…now, that has nice ring to it.

• The Arab Rulers - Cowering in their palaces. Can't decided whether they are more petrified of a run amok Bush Administration or their own angry people. Most Arab leaders will come down against Saddam, since their personal protection and fortunes are assured by the US, and they know they're next to be `liberated' if they don't obey. Never have the Arabs looked more impotent or pitiful. The only Arab leader showing an adequate level of male hormones is Saddam, the Man.

• Turkey - `We are totally opposed to an illegal US invasion of Iraq! Totally! We are a people of principal. However, effendi, if you would forgive $15 billion of our debts, make a paltry contribution of another $10 billion or so, give us some of your nifty new arms, and allow us to `liberate' Iraq's northern oil fields, well then anything is possible.

• The UN - We think the Americans have gone crazy. But, hey, they pay almost half our bills and there's no way we will endanger our expense accounts for the sake of miserable Iraq.